Between Cancer and Leo — The Tug of Wanting More and Wanting Peace

There’s something about being born on the Cancer-Leo cusp that feels like living with two opposite souls inside one body. One part of me wants to curl up in comfort, stay safe, and protect my peace. The other side burns with ambition, craving recognition, power, and yes — a better paycheck.

Today, both of them are arguing loudly in my head.

I have a good, stable job. It’s cool, calm, and secure — something I once prayed for. But lately, with prices skyrocketing, “stable” feels like “stuck.” My salary doesn’t stretch like it used to, and I can’t buy anything without looking at the price tag twice. It’s not about greed — it’s about dignity. About wanting to feel that all my effort means something more than surviving the next bill.

But here’s the twist: I’m also thinking about pregnancy. And that changes everything. I can’t just jump into a high-pressure job or take on massive responsibilities when my body and emotions are already preparing for another chapter. So I’m torn — thirsty for more income but craving calm.

I even enrolled in the FMVA course to level up my skills, but honestly? I can’t focus. I’ve always been the kind who learns better through doing, not sitting. I open the modules, watch the videos, and five minutes later my brain goes on strike. It’s day two of my period today, and everything feels… extra. Extra tired. Extra emotional. Extra f*cked up, to be honest.

To make it worse, I know my communication skills aren’t my strongest suit. I get nervous in interviews, freeze in meetings, and sometimes can’t find the right words to express what I truly know. It makes me feel like there’s a ceiling I can’t break through — not because I’m not capable, but because I can’t “sell” myself.

And yet, deep inside, there’s this Leo spark whispering, “You could be doing more — something of your own.”
I think about entrepreneurship. About creating, teaching, helping. But then the Cancer side whispers back, “You’re not ready. You don’t even want to be seen.”

So here I am — somewhere between wanting a quiet life and a louder dream. Between stability and growth. Between comfort and courage.

Maybe that’s what being a soft warrior means — you don’t always fight the big battles. Some days, you just show up, even when your body hurts, your motivation is gone, and your heart feels confused. You keep learning, one small action at a time, until the fog clears again.

Because maybe the real strength isn’t in chasing more — it’s in holding on when you feel torn between who you are and who you’re becoming.

~SoftWarriorDiaries